Facebook
by Connie Nervegas
Summary: Leo discovers that ninjas must always be wary, even on social networking sites. My first Karai story.


_Born again of the Facebook RPG. This is mostly just stuff I gleaned from that RPG, so I have to thank and dedicate this to them all. I was sitting around wondering about Karai's personal life. Like has she ever had a dog? Does she watch TV? I don't know how I did with her. I haven't written her before._

And there it was. A new friend request. Leo stared at it for a few seconds and blinked. Then rolled his eyes. It was probably Mikey. He had about seven accounts under fake names. Why would he friend him though? He only used Facebook to flirt with girls he'd never met. Describe what he'd do to their bodies. Leo saw one of his chats and gave him a sound bawling out. Well, he tried. Mikey just laughed at him and called him Amish.

So who was it?

Karai Oroku. Confirm. Ignore.

Leo looked back and forth. He didn't know why. Nobody else was in the room. Should he bring this before the committee? What if she was trying to spy on him? Of course she was. There could be no other reason.

He clicked confirm.

Why? He should have ignored her and then told Raph and laughed about it.

He wrote a message on her wall.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Karai, I don't know what you're playing at, but I am watching you.

Then he looked at her pictures. Might as well. Maybe there were secret pictures of Shredder with a big sign that said "WEAKNESS HERE!" Sometimes Leo wondered at his sense of humor. There was a reason he kept it to himself most of the time.

Vacation pictures. She was wearing… civilian clothing. Not really smiling. She wasn't smiling in any of these pictures. Karai stood in front of a few palm trees with some other college age girls. Aruba. Shredder sent her on a trip to Aruba when she graduated from Harvard University with a major in political science. Karai went to Harvard? Karai went to college? Shredder let his puppy get that far from home?

She didn't look terribly happy in any of her pictures. And not entirely normal either. He friends were geeky. Probably people Don would associate with if he were allowed on the outside. All glasses and funny faces for the camera. Karai rolled her eye in nearly every picture.

This was so wrong. He'd assumed Karai had no personal life. That Shredder kept her locked in a cage and brought her out for special occasions. Like a pretty doll. And she had a Master's degree in business. Business! All that and foot organization training too. Where did this woman find the time?

He flipped past a picture and had to go back. Karai on the beach in her bathing suit with her friends. Black one piece of course. She couldn't be counted on to wear anything interesting, he supposed.

And then a chat window popped up.

**Karai Oroku:** Hello, Leonardo.

He typed automatically.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Hello. How are you?

How are you? That was so casual. This woman stabbed him.

**Karai Oroku**: I have been looking at your pictures. They are… most interesting.

Pictures? Pictures! Karai was sitting somewhere at Foot Headquarters in her office looking at his Facebook pictures. And she was probably looking at the picture of Raph smoking a cigar and smirking, oozing coolness. Or those pictures of Mikey drunk and asleep on the toilet. There was even a picture of him and Don sitting on the toilet together as toddlers. Why were there so many pictures of them in the bathroom? Mikey standing in the shower. Don and Raph in the shower. Klunk and Leo in the shower.

And then she made several comments, mostly questioning his sanity in publishing such idiotic images of himself to the world. His face burned red while he stared at the picture of Raph sitting on April's counter while he held a butcher knife in the air behind him, pretending he was about to stab him to death.

**Karai Oroku**: I surely hope that you did not put those ridiculous outfits on that cat.

He laughed a little.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Now you know my secret.

Too friendly. He should get offline. Defriend her. Or both. She was just there to snoop around. Gather information on them for Shredder. But what use could it be to Shredder knowing that they used to use the toilet at the same time?

He closed his laptop and went to the dojo to meditate the weirdness away.

* * *

"What the fuck!" Raph screamed from the lab. "Karai and Leonardo are friends?"

Leo ground his teeth and put down his teacup. "I haven't said anything to her much. We're just… keeping an eye on each other."

"Yeah, I can see that. Hey, she has boobs after all!" Leo assumed he'd found her bathing suit picture.

He furrowed his brow and asked, "Is she friends with you too!"

"Yeah!"

This was insane. Karai wasn't supposed to have a personal life and she certainly wasn't supposed to socialize with them on a casual level. Then panic ignited in his chest like a stick of dynamite. "What have you said to her?"

There was a short pause. "Nothing yet. I don't want to talk to the bitch anyway."

* * *

**Karai Oroku**: Raphael has quite an insolent mouth.

Oh no. What did Raph say? Leo flipped the other browser window closed. He'd been reading about Japan again. Mentally transporting himself there. Leo looked at Karai's Facebook page and felt his mouth slide open slightly and his stomach bubble with deep discomfort.

**Raph Hamato**: hey why did you make friends with leo? Need some new lines to give chaplin for when you're fucking him? I bet you're always calling out leo's name when your with chaplin right?

"RAPHAEL!"

* * *

Leo was far too embarrassed to attempt any further contact with Karai and turned off his chat. Weeks went by and he forgot they were friends until he got a message in his inbox.

**Karai Oroku**: I have not seen you online for many weeks. Are you alright?

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm here.

**Karai Oroku**: You need not be embarrassed about what your brother said. He is arrogant and young and does not know what he says. I would dearly love to see him get his just rewards someday.

He instantly turned on the chat.

**Leonardo Hamato**: If you come anywhere near any of my family they'll find your body for weeks.

Wow. That was harsh.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm sorry. That was harsh.

**Karai Oroku**: You protect those you love. That is honorable.

He tapped his fingers on the keyboard and didn't know what to say.

**Leonardo Hamato**: So what kind of music do you like?

He'd always wondered.

**Karai Oroku**: I like many things. I listen to music that calms me.

She wasn't a terribly interesting person.

**Karai Oroku**: Why are there so many pictures of Michelangelo sitting on the toilet? I must say that I never wished to see him in such a position. He is a little clown.

**Leonardo Hamato**: First off, he was drunk. Secondly, if you call my brothers names, I'll defriend you

He cringed at the slight punctuation error.

**Karai Oroku**: I apologize. I will try to restrain myself from being honest.

Leo sat up straight and his knees cracked. Facebook was a disease. His stupid Farmville was never perfect. There was always some wilted crop that needed harvesting and he had to rearrange all of the little digital cows and pigs into neater rows whenever he bought a new animal or else his plantation would lose its pristine symmetry. He sent her a Farmville request, wondering if he could exploit her and get free fuel.

**Karai Oroku**: I am sorry. I do not waste my time playing these games. I speak with my friends from university.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Mostly my brothers send me naked pictures of women and laugh at me the next day when I yell at them.

**Karai Oroku**: :/

Too much information. It was so easy to type something rather than say it.

**Karai Oroku**: You type very well for having so few fingers.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Yes. I'm good with my hands.

What the fuck?

**Leonardo Hamato**: I mean, I've learned to compensate. I can do almost anything a person with five fingers can do.

**Karai Oroku**: Now I must go. My father is coming.

And then she logged off. He scratched his head and shut the laptop. Maybe she thought he was a pervert now. He would defriend her next time he got on. He needed to start dinner and didn't want to take the time to restart the computer. All those little bits of inefficiency add up.

* * *

Leo decided to type a letter of malcontent about the selectivity of the major media outlets and then stew over the issue and save it and never send it. He didn't understand the new version of Microsoft Word and wanted his old Word 2003 back. Don squished up his face in pain whenever he suggested it.

And then he got a message. Karai. She made a comment on one of his Facebook posts. Hadn't he defriended her a long time ago?

**Karai Oroku**: You enjoy this music? It sounds like pornography. I cannot see how your father allows you to listen to it.

What? Oh… Enigma. Blush of all blushes. Everything he saved to his Youtube account was being posted on his Facebook. How did that happen? He surely didn't do it. Maybe Don did it when he got rid of that virus.

He skimmed his Youtube account and felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach like a stone. The song "Touchness" was the one in question. The lyrics were nothing but, "Touch and feel me up and down."

**Leonardo Hamato**: It's my business if I enjoy listening to women breathing heavily.

Why did he say that? He didn't need to justify himself.

**Karai Oroku**: Did you realize that you published your pornography?

Leo felt the strange urge to throw the laptop at the wall. But that would be a waste of money.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm male. And I didn't know that my private viewing habits were open to the public.

**Karai Oroku**: I see you enjoy watching girls kiss each other. I'm sure your father would agree that you are filling your mind with wholesome things.

**Leonardo Hamato**: It isn't anyone's business. What I watch.

He closed the laptop and spent the next few hours pounding the punching bag. Raph whined. He had some angst too and didn't like waiting in line.

* * *

**Leonardo Hamato**: The vomiting has stopped for now. I may have just lost ten pounds. Oh, well. I wanted to go on a diet anyway.

That was today's status message. Now to attempt a series of katas and fail every single one. But he had to try. Sitting on the couch wouldn't keep them alive in battle.

**Karai Oroku**: Hello?

He cringed and closed the laptop.

* * *

Raph filled him with whiskey. "It'll make you feel better. Might get the katana out of your ass too as a side effect."

Leo drank his apportioned liquor and then spent the evening following Raph around, giggling at him and trying to cuddle his arm. Raph was so nice to him. Big and obstinate. But nice and his best friend. Why had Leo been so unhappy that morning? Oh, he'd been sick. But he felt fine now. He leaned his face into Raph's arm and smiled dully as they watched the news and listened to Raph groan in disgust.

"You made your own punishment there, Raph," Don said. It sounded like he was a million miles away although he was across the room.

Leo's eyes drooped and he said, "I'm going to bed, Raphie. Want to hug me goo'night?"

"Not really." His eye line stayed fixed on the television.

That was okay. He knew Raph loved him anyway. They all did. So he turned his head slightly and kissed Raph's shoulder as he got up.

"Leo! You fucking freak! Never do that again!"

He gave Don a sloppy hug and kissed him on the forehead. Splinter benignly accepted his hug and kiss and then berated Raph for intoxicating his already weakened brother. Mikey was away at April's. He would get on Facebook and tell him he loved him. He held onto the doorway of his bedroom and looked back and forth for his laptop. He fell into his bed and opened the laptop slowly as if it were a treasure chest with rusty hinges. The screen blazed with white light. Was it always this bright? It was beautiful.

**Leonardo Hamato**: this laptop light is so beautiful. Just like the sun in winter. I have to take a shower now. Any girls want to join me?

**April O'Neil**: Sorry, handsome. I'm taken. Did you hit your head today?

Showering with a woman. What would sex in a shower be like? It sounded hard. It hadn't really occurred to him that people could do it standing up. He could of course. He was a virgin, but he was sure he was perfectly capable of it. That needed noting.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I know I could do it standing up. She'd have to have long legs to get them around me though

That seemed reasonable. He would watch people having sex in the shower now. Educational content. What about girls in the shower. That would be pretty cool.

A chat window popped up.

**Karai Oroku**: How are you? You sound disoriented.

**Leonardo Hamato**: you ever kissed a girl when you were in college?

**Karai Oroku**: I did not.

That was boring. A little light in the back of his brain told him that he had just made a misstep.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm pretty drunk right now so I'm sorr if it don't say thingrs right

Then he giggled as he pictured Karai in the shower with a geeky girl from college, her characteristic scowl still in place.

**Leonardo Hamato**: LOLOLOLOLOL

**Karai Oroku**: Why are you drunk? You are sixteen. That is too young.

**Leonardo Hamato**: you going to arrest me?

**Karai Oroku**: I would like to arrest your father for allowing it to happen. It seems very irresponsible to me.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Raphie did it. I was sick and he felt bad for me. I keep using small words. Would you want to handcuff me?

There was a long pause. He flipped to the other screen and watched two girls necking in a shower and then opened another screen and read an article about katana making.

**Karai Oroku**: You are making me uncomfortable.

He'd forgotten he was on Facebook. Oh, he was talking to Karai.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm watching girls kiss each other in a shower. Gess where? LOLOLOL

**Karai Oroku**: Stop doing that. It is obnoxious. You are acting like Michelangelo.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I like watching girls kiss because they do it so soft and that's how I want to kiss. I want to do it right and do it slow.

**Karai Oroku**: Congratulations. I should get back to work.

Oh no. She was mad. He'd said something bad. He should do something about it.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I'm sorry don't go. I'll send you a video to watch. It's about katanas. I'm going to make my own soon.

He fumbled to copy and paste the link and then cursed loudly when he realized that his sheep were all out of alignment again. Leo closed his eyes and imagined his new katanas, the weight and the whistle as they sliced the atmosphere on the first swing.

**Karai Oroku**: I do not know what you mean by this.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I know I'm not going to cool the clay that way it would take way too long but too bad because they would be epic swords.

**Karai Oroku**: I am watching a girl kiss another girl's breasts. Why?

**Leonardo Hamato**: you're a lesbian?

**Karai Oroku**: I am watching the video that you sent me.

It took him a few seconds to process the information, even though he could hear two girls groaning quietly with pleasure out of the laptop speakers.

**Leonardo Hamato**: Oh no I'm so sorry. I'm such a pervert

**Karai Oroku**: No. You are sixteen. I need to go and work. Please take care of yourself. I know that you are under much pressure. But remember that you are still young.

She got offline and he intended to watch more lesbians, but he leaned back on the pillows and instantly fell asleep.

* * *

Embarrassment. Humiliation. No other words strong enough for it.

He promptly sent her a message when the vomiting ended long enough for him to type. He hated Raph. All he had done was trade from one kind of vomiting to another. If he had left him alone he would be fine today. He was a whole two days off schedule. How did his sheep get so messy? Grimy fingerprints glared at him accusingly from his katanas. Polishing and sharpening today.

**Leonardo Hamato**: I am sorry for the things I said last night. It was very unprofessional of me. I know we are not friends and understand if you no longer wish to speak to me. I was glad to talk to you though. Be safe.

He closed Facebook. The kissing girls in the shower were still frozen on his screen and he closed the window with a snarl of disgust. Why did he allow his mind to go to such dirty places? Today he would train an extra three hours.

A few minutes later…

**Karai Oroku**: Do not worry. I understand the stress of responsibility. As for your assertions last night about kissing… I have full faith that you will do well when the time comes. I have heard that men make love the way they fight and so you should have no worries. But this will come a long time into the future, no?

I must get back to this meeting. Chaplin is intent on making them fun. He tells impertinent jokes and makes us all hug each other. I believe I frightened a man quite badly when I glared at him as he advanced on me. I found that fun.

Do you ever watch Dawg the Bounty Hunter? I find it interesting to see a family in a dangerous business together.

Chaplin has asked me what I am doing. I told him that I am looking up expense reports. He cannot tell the difference between Facebook and Excel. He asks if his new and rather garish file folders have put us over budget. I told him that the smiling faces on my filing folders have bankrupted the organization.

I must go and speak now.

Leo blinked at the screen. Karai making jokes? Karai watching cable television? Leo snorted like an angry bull at the next comment.

**Raph Hamato**: yeah I like this video I like the one of the girls fucking in the sauna better though stop kissing me you perv

Maybe he should defriend Raph instead of Karai.

* * *

Leo stood in the rain, blood dripping in watery rivulets down the blades of his swords as he slashed through his enemies. And the rain seeped into the gashes on his body and stung, but not as much as the ache of knowing that Mikey was lying on that rooftop above, blood pouring from his head.

Karai would pay. No mercy this time. No pleading for his honor to save her. To see her point of view.

"KARAI!" he called out. He knew she was there. He could practically feel her breathing. Raph would be there soon. He would save some of her for his brother. It was the least he could do to ease his pain.

And then she reached out from behind him, her elbow colliding with his skull.

He lashed out, catching her arm with the tip of the blade, spilling a little blood.

"You have interfered with my father for the last time. You know you will have to come through me to get to him."

He glared right into her eyes. "Well, so be it then."

But she reached into her pocket and tossed a small pellet to the ground. Smoke filled the air. He followed a few steps, sheathing his katanas, but knew it was no use. She was gone. He had failed his family again.

* * *

**Karai Oroku**: My arm stings a little today.

**Leonado Hamato**: Put some hydrogen peroxide on it. Then watch Keeping Up Appearances and drink peppermint tea. That always helps to heal my wounds.

**Karai Oroku**: Ah. I prefer Waiting for God. Do you know it?


End file.
